Hey Hey! I’m a Freakin’ Barista.

11515drink-coffee-poster3:41 am, everyone is apparently in bed for the night. Except for the group of wanna-be gangstas who are visiting the girls at the STD research facility down the road a piece.

Time for coffee. Not for me, I can’t stand the stuff. Nevertheless, time to make the coffee.

Now, I am apparently the most gifted coffee maker ever. Since the beginning of time, coffee drinkers have been waiting for someone such as myself to come along and make the coffee.

Could it be the way I prepare the coffee pot by running it under water to remove any trace elements from the previous brew? Could it be in the subtle, yet loving way I tear open the pre-portioned packet of Royal Cup ‘Gourmet Coffee’ grounds and dump¬†gently layer it into the awaiting, perfectly sized, perfectly woven coffee filter? Could it be the simple yet effective glide with which I so deftly affix the filter basket to the BUNN (part number: 12950-0408) stainless steel, three warmer powerhouse which applies just the right mixture of electrical current to the brewing plate and freshly filtered reverse osmosis water to each carafe?

I’m just like a frickin’ Starbucks ‘Barista’ without all the pretention and paralogism that I will eventually make it as an actor….someday!

Whatever. I make the coffee, they seem to like it. No complaints yet and I just killed another 20 minutes of the partying-est shift ever on the rock! Score!

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